Posted on September 19, 2008 by Sr. Chau Nghiem
When I recently became a mother, I realized how intense love can be. Such love brought me a lot of happiness but also a lot of fear of one day losing this person. I thought “I can’t live without my son anymore.” Since this is beyond my control, I felt very insecure. In fact, terrified! But then I remembered the Dharma and that the only time that we have to live is the present moment. The past has already gone and the future is not yet here to be enjoyed. So now, every time that I’m caught by a feeling like that regarding my son, I take refuge in the present moment, hold him in my arms, kiss him a lot and immediately I feel like the happiest person in the world!
Taking refuge in the present moment also helps me a lot during mornings when I’m exhausted and I have to wake up to change diapers and nurse the baby. Many times I think that I would prefer to be sleeping after a day of work instead of waking up to put my son to sleep. But when I remember that one day after many hours of work or during a business trip I’ll miss every moment with my kid, these moments with my son become very intense and very special. I feel happy because I’m there for my son.
I am learning that a new born baby is a wonderful help for my practice. It’s impressive that each sound or cry of the baby awakens me from forgetfulness and brings my attention to the present moment to see what is happening. I practiced a lot this way during these first 5 months. I also train my mindfulness when I carry him. I have to pay attention in each step, to each movement to keep him safe from accidents. It’s wonderful and so natural. My attention is at its maximum when I’m with him.
When I’m playing with him at 5:30 A.M. (that’s true!) before going to work, I always repeat, “My dear I’m here for you and I’m happy”. Even when I’m very tired at this time I practice being present to play with him. I want to touch the love seed in him; I want him to know that I love him giving him my full presence. And when I go to work I am happy, I feel light.
Thank you for the opportunity to share,
Filed under: Personal Stories | Tagged: babies, diapers, kiss, love, new parents, presence, present, present moment, refuge | Leave a comment »